Hey man. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. I’m not even sure you attend this campus. You had a backpack so maybe you do, but let’s not assume anything.

Anyway, there was absolutely no reason for you to hold the door open for me when we were walking in. There should be no acknowledgment of each other as we enter that part of the building. Let us pretend that anytime we go near the men’s room, and while we’re inside of it… we’re invisible.

Have you seen Heroes? Monday’s Episode? Yeah, you should check it out. Good show. There’s a character named Peter who absorbs powers, he stands near an invisible guy he becomes invisible. The bathroom is invisible zone. Moving on…

Three urinals, you take the middle one? What if I were to use one of those urinals? I don’t want to be standing next to you, near you, same room as you. We’re invisible remember? I don’t know your splashage radius. Not willing to find out.

Notice how I didn’t even use the closest stall to you, I went two stalls away. That’s courtesy. Privacy. If there was a spiral staircase to another wing of the restroom, I would’ve used it and continued my search.

I don’t know what a cough sounds like to you, but when I coughed… it’s not a sneeze. You shouldn’t have said Bless You. Even if it WAS a sneeze, don’t say Bless You. Manners don’t matter in the men’s room. In fact, manners become anti-manners.

To top it off, you’re out of there without even washing your hands. Who knows how many other door handles you’ve contaminated around campus since you clearly like to hold them open for everybody around you. I’ll be using my sleeve to open everything in my path for the rest of the semester. Thanks for that.

I don’t know who you are, where you’re from, or where you are now. We’ll always have that awkward minute and a half. Cherish the special moments. This isn’t one of them.

Salutations,
Casey