The power was out, a few glowing emergency lights remained. If there was still electricity to power these emergency lights why wasn’t there backup power to keep the office running? It’s one of those “why isn’t the whole plane made out of the black box material” type questions. There is probably a logical explanation to those who are informed on such material, but to the common man a decent question.

Without power, means no internet, it means no phones, no connection to the outside world. It suddenly makes you realize that the majority, if not all, of your job takes place virtually. Why do we even have an office? If I was on my couch at home right now I could be more productive. I could be doing the same job.

I suppose it’s because at home there are distractions. Television, family, friends, pets, neighbors, ice cream sandwiches in the fridge… but couldn’t you argue, even if those distractions cut off an hour of productivity from your regular day, you could make up for it with lack of commute time? Crawl out of bed, no shower, no change of clothes, log on and boot up and you’re at the office. You can IM coworkers and discuss last night’s sports fiasco or mundane office jargon about having memo X in email inbox Y by deadline Z.

Perhaps it’s because people don’t want to fully admit that face to face interaction isn’t even necessary anymore. Physical contact may still seem the correct course of action for old school businessmen but if your deal is hindering on the firmness of a handshake then are you sure you want to go into business? Hell, someone invent a handshake strength tool. It’ll plug into your USB slot and you can have your firmness grade listed on your LinkedIn profile.

Physical desks are breeding grounds for clutter. Clutter of useless items that may be useful later. Clutter for items that use to be useful and are now forever useless. Post it notes with privacy passwords for secret documents. The most security being that you hope nobody knows what “BossMan82” is used for. Xbox alias for some late night Halo deathmatch? No, it’s your email password. It’s either too hard to remember so you write it down, or it’s so easy to remember I can ask your birthday and youngest child’s name and probably “hack” my way in with a few keystrokes.

The office is dying. The brick and mortar costs are unnecessary expenses for most when very little happens there that wouldn’t be improved by occurring online. Wake up at 7, be in a conference meeting in Washington at 7:15, have an eggo from your kitchen at 8, discuss profits with shareholders in Denver at 9 and have a lunch meeting with friends from Miami at noon.

All while wearing bunny slippers.

It’s true. You may say it’s scientific fact that both “The world is flat” and “Pigs fly” are inaccurate statements, but let me change your perspective.

I assume, you’re interpreting the world as the planet Earth, which yes, is round however perhaps I meant the world as in an individual’s encompassing universe of known entities and the “flatness” is an indicator of the emotional well-being of those before mentioned things. Pigs in flight can be seen in several different ways, either a commentary of those people who act “boar-ish”, a member of the pig family, getting ahead in areas of their life (”soaring” as you will) such as up the corporate ladder (let’s ignore the ethical or moral dilemmas) or I could just be a jerk and literally say that pigs have been transported via air travel previously, hence you would describe them as flying.

Let’s not split hairs, the point is even the most obviously wrong statements… are sometimes right.

I’ve taken to writing in my Facebook status, rather then just generic what are you doing which Twitter is for anyway, to purposefully attempting to sound deep and confusing. I’ll just start writing and see what comes out. Some of them I really enjoy reading and I can see deeper meanings behind it, and a few other ones are just stupid.

Here are a few of my favorite ones I wrote:

Your troubles were worth it. Your frustrations are forgotten. Your initials peak the totem pole. The naysayers are now merely footnotes in your best selling autobiography. A fist in the air, look to the heavens and roar. You’ve achieved it all. Bask in your glory and live out existence with euphoria.

The status quo was quid pro quo but going on is the show as far as you know. Behind the scenes the curtain is sabotaged, the lead is oblivious to the mutiny. The spotlight glares while the shadows can relate but with a more mischievous motive.

the light still glimmers. it may flicker and it has dimmed but surrounded by darkness it remains. surrounded by shadows it is defiant. it is unyielding, unrelenting and unable to be stifled. while it’s presence may seem complacent to the common bystander, it exists as a rebel force lighting the way to those who dare brave the blackness. “continue your journey my allies,” it soothes. “i loyally keep watch.”

nothing but the clouds between his knees, everyone looks up and sees him soar with ease. a heck of a find, loved by mankind. always adored, peace is restored. the man we trust, never tempted by greed or lust. all we know is he protects this place, but if he ever fails he’s easy to replace

Writing project. Using two or three random words provided to me from random sources, create a short story or writing sample.

NOUN: Octopus (Kudos to Chris Rizzo)
PLACE: Cul-de-sac (Kudos to Aaron Jordan)

“This is going to be absolutely fantastic,” she told her husband.

Steve stared ahead quietly. His hands at gripping the sterring wheel as if to squeeze any ounce of excitement out of it. Another hand rolling down the window hoping for a breeze while he held his wife’s hand and stroked her back caringly. This would be their third house in the past eighteen months, moving as quickly in as they do out. The neighbors always the same condescending stares and inquisitive whispering. Steve didn’t blame them though. It’s not everyday that The Octopus Man moves in next door.

The quiet was broken by the computerized voice instructing a left turn ahead. Woodlynn Farms, announced the sign on the corner. All of their previous residences shared similar community-enticing titles hoping to spark a sense of pride. Sherwood Oakes, Oaklane Terrace, Lakeville Commons. A public relations stunt that may full the first time home buyer, but Steve has seen plenty of these signs in his rearview mirror as he drove in search of a new place that could finally be called home.

Their stealth-like approach would last until they finally pulled into what looked like a dead end, small circle of homes surrounding an open paved area. “It’s a cul-de-sac.” she says. An audible sigh emerges from Steve’s lips. Unable to avoid the attention of previous neighbors, why would she think being surrounded in such close quarters would be the answer?

Five houses surrounded the gray circle. All of them in similar make and model with small personalized touches. Dozens of different flowers blooming on the left most lot while one of the houses to the right had a prominent garden gnome standing guard across a stonelaid walkway.

An unkept yard and leaky roof was the best way to describe the one in the middle. Surrounded by such well groomed homes this was clearly the ugly friend in the popular crowd. Fitting, thought Steve as they pulled straight ahead into the driveway.

Steve noticed something however. There was nobody else around. It was the weekend, a beautiful day and yet the streets were bare. The lawns were empty. The window drapes were closed. The only two eyes laid upon him was the gnome and he appeared indifferent to his presence. Although Steve expected a sense of relief based upon his ride-long anxiety he felt an unnerving absence.

Perhaps someone had heard they were coming and warned the neighbors already to stay away? There had to be a reason. Steve was only sure that whatever it was, he probably wouldn’t like it. He opened the door and scratched his head while grabbing several last loads of boxes and proceeded into the house. He stopped for a moment in the doorway and looked over his shoulder. He thought he saw for a moment a figure in a nearby window but was unsure. He closed the door fully expecting to avoid using it for as long as possible.

The world was shocked and appalled today when the latest episode of Law & Order: SVU did not involve a single rape.

The episode, entitled “Tuesday”, showed Detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson sitting in the precinct filing paperwork and having no reported crimes. At one point “Fin”, played by Ice-T, was frustrated when a Snickers bar he got from the staff break room was caught and would not fall. He proceeded to inform the Captain whom said he would alert maintenance.

Creator Dick Wolf described the episode as “Ripped straight from the real world. This is almost an identical replica of a Tuesday in a New York City station.”

While previous episodes have been filled with sexual assaults and abused woman, the only real danger a woman came across in this episode was when Detective John Munch spilled his coffee and created a slipping hazard.

RAINN, the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network, immediately launched an attack at NBC and the show’s producers. “The complete ignorance of the dangers in this world is frightening and heartbreaking. Law & Order has always been a long standing ally in our fight to alert the world of the continual unending danger of being raped. To show that you could go survive 60 minutes without any of these occurring is disingenuous to the American public.”

NBC Universal President Jeff Zucker promised that the next episode, slated to be called “Rape-pocalypse”, will return the show to it’s original format.

Tragedy almost struck the local cineplex Friday evening as a group of college friends accidentally wandered into theater three, playing the musical Mama Mia, instead of theater four, which was playing the epic blockbuster Dark Knight.

“We were so revved up, we didn’t even realize what had happened.” explained James Gannon, 20. “Once the lights were off and they started singing, we began to grow suspicious that something was up.”

Why didn’t they just leave and go to the other theater some wonder? “I guess, we didn’t want to admit it at first, but we started to enjoy the ABBA hits.”

By the end of the film, the three men guys individuals were singing and laughing along.

“We went in as a mistake, but we realized the only mistake we had was not buying these tickets in the first place.” said Tony Hunt, 21. “The choreography and flawless execution of scene transition was mind blowing!”

Meanwhile, Dark Knight is expected to gross over $200 million and Mama Mia at second with $21.75.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is a historic day!” shouted NASA operations manager Chris Kraft. Mission control erupted into an uproar as the news was announced: child actor Devon Sawa has been recovered.

“We thought he was lost after Now and Then… never to be heard from again.” says Kraft. “It feels that all our heartache, nights away from family, frustrations… all worth it now.”

At approximately 6:44 AM mission time, the Phoenix Mars Rover discovered movement behind a rock in the Snow White trench. After a 3 hour detour to move the rover the necessary 15 feet to discover the source, a youthful and “super cute” Devon Sawa was discovered.

“When we saw his puppy dog eyes and pouty lips it was like we were in Urbania, OH after the Little Giants defeated the Cowboys on the epic Annexation of Puerto Rico play.” described computer analyst Kevin Hamden. “Pure elation.”

As to what the next step for NASA is, they unfortunately do not have room to bring Sawa back to them as storage will be filled with rocks and other “space-y stuff.”

Reporter questions regarding how Sawa found his way to the red planet or managed to survive with no breathable air, were unable to be heard over screaming preteen girls outside the command center.

Major producers and film studios have revealed that actor Brendan Fraser’s film career has been a running gag on the public.

“We all kind of got drunk and made Encino Man back in ‘92.” says one studio executive. “The kid thought he did so well he kept applying for jobs and we thought it was hilarious.”

Headlining revealed “joke jobs” Mrs. Winterbourne, George of the Jungle, and Blast from the Past; Fraser was led to believe he was actually earning these roles, despite reports now that they were all staged for the amusement of those in the industry.

“It’s amazing what you people will spend money on.” read a statement from the Director’s Guild of America. “We kept trying to write more and more ridiculous stories… Bedazzled… Looney Tunes: Back in Action for crying out loud! We thought for sure that was the end of the run, but you all just ate it up. We laughed for days!”

“We pretty much ran out of dumb ideas for him,” said WGA president Patric Verrone. “We kept recycling those Mummy things… wasn’t fun like it use to be with Dudley Do-Right and Airheads… it was time we had to end it… for our sake, and the public’s sake.”

While these statements were released nationally, nobody is aware yet if Fraser has heard the news. Hollywood has asked the public to “keep cool” if anyone sees him.

A Major League of Eating record has fallen as American Joey Chestnut throws up 64 hot dogs just under 25 seconds.

The previous record, held by University of Wisconsin student Mike “Skudz” Scudella of the Alpha-Delta-Phi fraternity, was 20 hot dogs in 58.4 seconds. Chestnut’s amazing 2.57 hot dogs a second triumph was cheered by a homelessman and a restaurant employee taking trash to a dumpster. Footage was later shown with commentator Al Michaels shouting “DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?”

Not all world reaction was positive however,  as Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad denounced the record as western propaganda, claiming his nation can throw up twice that amount in half the time. Actress Sharon Stone also spoke out against the act, claiming it as wasteful and that are poor children in the world who can only dream of throwing up in alleys.

While many had expected top professional competitive eater Takeru “Kobayashi” Kobayashi to be the record breaker, he fell just short. Asian stock markets are said to have plummeted and Japan may be on the brink of an economic depression.

Rumors are circulating that retired Packers QB Brett Favre is interested in returning to play professional football once more.

“What started as a simple ‘itch’ has slowly spread into a full blown skin irritation.” says Wisconsin dermatologist Dr. Heather Kunin. “No simple aloe will cure this.”

When asked what she would prescribe, “Only the presence of #4 back on Green Bay’s active roster.”

While millions of people develop slight skin itches every year, few carry the unique Favre symptom of “being talked about on national television.”

It is unknown as to whether the rash developed from his love and passion for the game he has been playing since childhood, or an insect bite from his family farm.

In an unrelated story, Aaron Rodgers has developed a staph infenction and is being treated for clinical depression.

Former President Bill Clinton and Presumptive Democratic Nominee Barack Obama confirmed Tuesday that in a sign of unity they spooned at Clinton’s Connecticut estate late last evening. After a previous 20 minute phone conversation did not ease the minds that the Clinton and Obama bases had fully come together, the two sides felt this was the best method for solidarity.

“Sen. Obama and President Clinton began the evening talking about fund raising methods,” stated the chairman of Hillary Clinton’s unsuccessful presidential bid, Terry McAuliffe. “After a few drinks they began to discuss varying topics from which Sex and the City character they most related with to how annoying John Edwards really is in person.” Reports indicate both felt they were “Carrie”s.

McAuliffe continued, saying the two watched the film The Spiderwick Chronicles and shared a bowl of popcorn before retiring to seperate quarters. However, when the secret service woke this morning they found the Illinois Senator’s arms wrapped around the Former President in the master bedroom.

“Clearly the party is unified as these two great men of power care so deeply for each other and for our country.” said DNC Chairman Howard Dean on CNN.

The Republicans claim that the contact may have occurred unintentionally during sleep. They also released a transcript of a 2002 speech by Obama quoted as saying he was anti-spooning. “I was spooning in a war camp before Sen. Obama could even imagine his arms around someone else.” McCain announced at a town hall meeting in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Most recent polls feel that Barack Obama, campaigning on the issue of change and a “new Washington”, was the one who initiated the spoon. “[Republicans] may question his leadership qualities,” said North Carolina Governor Mike Easley. “But clearly, his choice of being the big spoon to a former leader of the free world shows he isn’t afraid of taking charge.”

When Scranton Regional Manager Michael Scott was approached to star in a new movie, he says he was not surprised. “I’ve been working on a screen play for a while,” says Scott from his Dunder Mifflin – Scranton office. “I am the lead character and require no supporting actors because I support myself. I am my own support.”

Playing Maxwell Smart in the movie Get Smart, Scott was a relative unknown whose only television or film experience was a small wave at the end of a local commercial. A “stupid stupid stupid” experience according to Scott.

Despite a #1 ranking in its initial weekend, making $38 million, critics were harsh on the film and Scott’s portrayal in particular.  When informed of this, Scott scoffed and said the only review that mattered was the review of the heart. And his heart did not have thumbs so it could not weigh in on the film.

Describing his experience with Anne Hathaway on the set: “I’m around beautiful woman all day, it was no different then any other day… Only she was told what she would have to say to me.  She was nervous. You could see that in her eyes.”

On what his plans for the future are, Scott remained humble and said that his branch needed him despite his voice mail being filled with other offers. However he said that his voice mail was accidentally erased and that was why he could not play them for us.  Assistant (to the) Regional Manager Dwight K. Schrute was not as impressed, as he told our reporters: “Being in a movie is not hard. There was a movie with a pig as the lead character. Pigs can not read. They can only be harvested for bacon and other pork products. ”

The rest of the Dunder Mifflin employees declined comment saying they had not seen the film and figured Michael was “making it all up.”

Big news in the gaming industry as Blizzard Entertainment has announced their intentions to make but not publicly release Diablo III.

“We loved Diablo and Diablo II, so we have all been working really hard on this 3rd one.” says Blizzard Vice President Frank Pearce, “Which is exactly why we want to keep the game in-house. Not have it be ridiculed and ruined by regular people.”

The unveiling of the game came today at a Blizzard Invitational in Paris, France. While the cinematic trailer and gameplay videos awed the audience, the most stunned silence came when Lead Designer Jay Wilson revealed their intentions of not publicly releasing the game.

“We feel that you guys are still enjoying Diablo II, [World of Warcraft], and the Starcraft franchise. This one… it’s just for us.”

While work continues on another sequel, Starcraft II, the consideration for not selling that game remains on the table. “No matter how hard we work or how long we spend on a game, it always gets ripped apart in forums!” complained Blizzard programmer Curis Reynolds. “A lot of upper management were just sitting around saying, ‘you know what? let’s just cut them out this time.’”

Despite the huge public outcry of depression and anger over the announcement, lines for Blizzard employee autographs wrapped around the side of the convention center. “It’s these types of fans,” started Wilson who paused to autograph one of the $100 bills from the stacks on his desk. “That make me think, maybe, someday, we’ll let some of them play our games again.”

As Pearce climbed into his Tesla Roadster to head to his yacht, he removed a $20 from his jacket pocket, blew his nose and tossed it to a nearby kid.

CaseyFenton.net Teen Investigation Team has discovered a 17-year-old girl by the name of Rebecca Snyder who, according to friends and Facebook information, did not enjoy the popular 2004 movie The Notebook.

Attempts to contact Rebecca through Facebook Chat proved frustrating  and unsuccessful, much like the early relationship of Ryan Gossling’s and Rachel McAdams’ characters from the awe-inspiring film.

Further research shows her “Favorite Movie” category including such young girl staples as A Walk to Remember, and High School Musical. Alarming and unexpected appearances by Boondock Saints and Armageddon have left experts scrambling for answers.

Rebecca’s unique perspectives may prove costly for us all. According to professor of economics at Yale University, Robert J. Shiller, “The predictability of age 13-18 female likes and dislikes is what drives the national production and sets the curve for all merchandise from teletubbies to N*SYNC posters.”

Friends of Rebecca seem unthreatened by her outlandish behavior. Wall posts seem to indicate that there is a “Big Party on Saturday” and she should “totally be there.” However, so far in the event listing she is listed as “Maybe.” Rebecca’s weekend plans, along with her movie interests, remains a mystery to us all.

At approximately 4:52 PM ET on July 23rd, Halo 3 / Xbox Live player zegnot13 achieved what once appeared impossible. He was promoted to Major, Grade 2.

After 1,187 games of hard work and gut wrenching defeat, a first place victory on Construct in the Lone Wolves playlist gave zegnot13 a skill of 30, hence triggering the upgrade.

Previously considered a Captain, Grade 3 his new title and grade was met with a resounding silence, as he accomplished the feat with no reliable witnesses. Through text messaging and word of mouth, however, news quickly spread to his allies in arms: DaShake and kcnovA23.

The success of zegnot13 is welcome news to segnot03, currently a Captain Grade 2, to show that Letter-Egnot-Two Number names are not cursed and dreams can come true.

When attempted to reach for comment, zegnot13 was idle on AIM with no away message. A common occurrence, an assumed side effect to his life style where time spent on an away message is time wasted.

With the surge of zegnot13, climbing almost 10 ranks in Lone Wolves over the courst of two weeks, the question arrises: “How high can he go?” We’ll leave that up to the battlefield.